You know that little voice in your head? The one that says things like:
“Go ahead and eat those cookies! I deserve them!”
And then after you eat the cookies, the voice says: “I can’t believe I ate that! I’ve blown my diet again! Well, I might as well eat that bag of chips, too. I mean, I’ve already botched the day!”
And then the voice might even say mean things like: “I can’t believe what an idiot I am! I can’t lose weight. I’ll always be fat. I’m such a loser!”
The voice tells you to do things that aren’t in your own self-interest.
It’s the voice of bad advice, judgment and shame. The voice of your inner mean girl.
Then sometimes that voice taps into your diet brain. It says things like:
“I might as well admit that I’m addicted to food. I just can’t trust myself around sugar and salty crunchy things. My only choice is to resolve to stop eating them once and for all! No more chips, cookies, chocolate, or any of that stuff.”
The voice of diet and deprivation. The voice that says you don’t deserve. You aren’t good enough. Well, it is lying!
What are these voices anyway?
They’re just thoughts inside your head. Everyone has tens of thousands of thoughts every day.
The good news is that you can choose what to do with those thoughts. You don’t have to obey them. You don’t have to believe them. In fact, often those thoughts aren’t true and you shouldn’t believe them!
To lose weight, it is necessary to stop thinking that those thoughts are who you are. They aren’t! They’re just your thoughts.
Here’s what I mean. Have you ever had a nasty thought, wishing something bad would happen to someone who made you angry? Then you felt awful for having that thought? You chose not to act on it. You do that many times every day without even realizing it! We all do. To quote Albus Dumbledore, “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are . . .”
The truth is, as long as you believe those thoughts and do what they tell you, you will not lose weight and keep it off.
You need to learn how to distinguish between your intelligent, productive thoughts, and your inner mean girl thoughts. Then you can make choices about which voices to trust.
You can choose not to act on what those voices are saying.
Here’s how to manage the nasty voice and turn it into something that will make your life better:
- When you hear that voice, stop and notice what it is saying. Pretend that you’ve stepped outside your body and are observing you thinking those thoughts. Is it your inner mean girl speaking?
- Know that the voice is not you. It isn’t who you are. It is just a thought you’re thinking.
- Question it. Is eating cookies right now when you aren’t hungry really something that you “deserve?” Is rewarding yourself with food what you want to be doing, or do you really deserve to take better care of your health? Maybe you’d really like to eat one of those cookies, so you choose to eat lightly at lunch, then have a cookie for dessert and eat it mindfully.
- Talk back to it. You can do this in any number of ways. The most basic is, “Back off! Go away! Leave me alone.” Or you can say, “I think you’re saying these things because you’re hurting. What’s wrong? What needs attention that is making you turn to food?”
- Think about why you really want to eat cookies now. Because you think you have too much work to do? Your child missed the bus again and you have to get dressed and drive her to school? Your computer crashed? Whatever it is, if the problem isn’t hunger, food won’t fix it. Recognize that and decide not to eat right now. Think about what will fix the problem or prevent it from reoccurring, and take action in that direction.
- Take care of yourself in a way that doesn’t involve eating. Meditate or relax for a few minutes with a magazine or book. Think about three things you’re grateful for. List five things you love about yourself or your life. Make a list of the ways you can take care of yourself without eating, and refer to it when you want to eat but aren’t hungry or you want to reward yourself with food.
Are you ready to change your thinking and your body for good? Managing your thinking is one of the 8 Secrets for Permanent Weight Loss. Learn them all and start implementing into your life. Get your free copy by signing up below.
It’s so hard to ignore that voice. I wrestle with it every day. Some days I win some I lose, but overall I just try to always keep healthy options on hand and don’t buy a lot of the junk.
Just recognizing that it’s just a thought is great so you can make conscious choices about whether to believe it or tell it to shut up!
Oh, yes, the “inner mean girl.” She’s loud and proud, isn’t she? I shut her down by promising myself that if I still want whatever it is (cookies, cake, chips . . . name your poison) in two hours that I will have it. Usually, more than two hours passes before I realize I succeeded. It doesn’t always work, but it helps.
That’s a great strategy, Lisa. I find that those non-hunger urges to eat tend to pass quickly most of the time. Thanks for posting.
I don’t eat junk food or sweets except on very rare occasions. I also don’t drink soft drinks. I binge on avocado, almonds, and sometimes cheese and walk for 1 1/2 every morning. Sigh! I know they’re high in fat but they’re so good!
I was overweight most of my life from eating too much healthy food! It’s far better than eating junk and sugar, but any eating when you aren’t hungry is stored as fat, so if losing weight is the goal, ending emotional eating is key. I’ve got a free challenge on my website!
What does the course involve
I had to laugh at “inner mean girl” though I have her–she’s less vocal but she’s still around!
I know that voice – I can do really well for weeks on end, then that voice talks to me and I start sliding…
It take practice to not listen to that voice, but there are so many other things it says that we ignore or don’t act upon, right? Noticing it and deciding you’re not going to listen to it is a good practice.
I fight with that mean girl on a regular basis. It does help to stop and make an effort to determine “who” is speaking. It gives you time to make the best choice.
Dealing with the inner voice can be challenging. Thanks for the tips!
That little voice and those yummy temptations are always calling out to us aren’t they? I try to resist most times, and I think your #3 about allowing yourself a treat and eating it mindfully does a lot more good than complete deprivation. Thanks for linking up with us at #MLSTL and I’ve shared this on my SM.
Resistance is pushing against something. There’s a subtle difference between that and just noticing your thoughts and saying something to yourself like, “yeah, I hear you but I’m not going to do that.” Just noticing the thought and letting it go away. Good luck!
My life has been in turmoil the last few weeks and my inner voice told me I deserved Reese cups. After a week of none stop peanut butter cups and gaining three lbs I am back on track. We are what we believe and what we tell ourselves, good post.
Great post! We are linking to this particularly great article on our
website. Keep up the good writing.